Understanding D-MER: The Unexpected Feeling Some Moms Experience While Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is often portrayed as this serene, bonding experience, but for some moms, it comes with an unexpected—and honestly, unsettling—feeling. If you’ve ever experienced a sudden wave of sadness, anxiety, or even nausea right as your milk lets down, you’re not alone. This phenomenon is called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER), and while it’s temporary, it can be really distressing if you don’t know what’s happening.
What Is D-MER?
D-MER is a reflex reaction that happens when your body releases oxytocin to trigger a milk letdown. Normally, oxytocin is known as the "feel-good" hormone, but during lactation, it works alongside prolactin, the milk-making hormone. The catch? Prolactin suppresses dopamine—and that sudden dip in dopamine is what can cause that gut-punch feeling of anxiety, sadness, or even nausea.
Some moms describe D-MER as:
A wave of homesickness or dread
A pit in the stomach feeling
A surge of unease or irritability
A few seconds of mild nausea
The good news? It only lasts for a moment—usually about 30 seconds to 2 minutes—and then passes.
What Can You Do About D-MER?
While D-MER isn’t something you can necessarily "cure," there are ways to manage it and make it less intense:
🧊 Sip an ice-cold drink → Seriously, this helps so much. The cold sensation can distract your brain and stop the wave of discomfort in its tracks. Plus, staying hydrated is key for breastfeeding!
🌬 Deep breathing + sighing on the exhale → This simple trick signals your nervous system to relax and helps your body ride the wave more smoothly.
📱 Distraction is your friend → Scroll Instagram, browse Amazon, or put on your favorite show—keeping your brain busy can help minimize the discomfort.
Why Knowing About D-MER Matters
I spent 9 hours in a birth education class and 40+ hours in doula training, and still, Mighty Milk’s breastfeeding classes taught me things I hadn’t learned anywhere else—including the impact of breastfeeding vs. bottle-feeding culture on our expectations around nursing.
If you’re an expecting parent or a new mom navigating breastfeeding, I highly recommend these classes. They’re taught by an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) and cover everything from the science of milk production to real-life troubleshooting—without the overwhelming advice that makes you question everything.
➡ Check out the Mighty Milk classes here: Mighty Milk (affiliate link—because I genuinely think these classes are amazing!)
A Quick but Important Disclaimer
I’m not a medical professional, and while I love sharing what I’ve learned, if you’re struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to a professional. And for any breastfeeding challenges, an IBCLC (like the ones at Mighty Milk!) can provide personalized support.
Breastfeeding shouldn’t feel like suffering. The more we know and share, the better our experiences can be. If you’ve dealt with D-MER, let’s talk about it—because you’re definitely not alone. 💛
